Thursday, 8 June, 2023

Backbone made of steel, heart made of gold!

Single parenting is not something we all expect to transpire, yet it eventuates with unsought adjudication. Raising a kid is, unquestionably, a difficult task and carrying out this humongous duty becomes considerably demanding when one has to do it alone every day!

Telling from my experience, I was raised by a single parent who comes from a well-to-do family. However, she is such a strong headed lady that she has always been adamant about not accepting any financial support from her relatives.

All my life I have seen her repeating her everyday schedule without any feel of anger towards us. She dove headfirst into sea of work in the morning and worked late into the night. When asked how tough it was for her to be a single mother, she articulated that it was not just physically but also emotionally tedious.

It was her faith upon herself that gave the confidence she needed to raise her children on her own. Her regular prayers devoted her contentment. Even now, I share every detail of my life with her because she has acknowledged me to be myself. She has given me advice without being judgmental whenever she has noticed me juggling in my thoughts. As a result, several of my coworkers had commented on why I share everything with her.

I grin at this because they do not grasp the depth of our relationship. Perhaps they do not have the same equation with their own parents. Covering the roles of both mother and father might be taxing at times; one does not have an ample amount of time for relaxation.

Many years back, probably thirty to forty years ago, women stayed with violent spouses because they could not picture life without a male by their side. They felt the dearth of financial independence necessary to live alone with children, and children of divorce were intermittently frequently stigmatized in society.

To guarantee that their children grew up in a 'whole' household, women swallowed anything from physical and psychological abuse to adultery and a lack of commitment and equality in the partnership. Divorce and the concept of single parenting have consummated as have our perceptions of them. It is still the excruciating job in the world, yet many women and men today undertake the duty of parenting their children on their own.

Being a child of a single mother, I was invariably aware of the hazards and stigma associated with my crisis. I initiated to conceal the truth not because I was embarrassed of it, but because I felt it was the best course of action. It was exasperating to have to conceal my truth, but the challenges and tribulations of my circumstance could have resulted in severe criticism from society at large. Nonetheless, I was born with a silver spoon to be surrounded by phenomenal friends who always made sure I was not criticized or made fun of. It has become customary for all homes to have occasional squabbles, but a home that is constantly engulfed in conflict is simply unfit to raise a child.

I had the exemption of coming from a family with progressive values otherwise things may have turned unorthodox. I presume that if the attempt is taken to convene a group of individuals and have them begin discourse about their experiences, we may see some reformation. Men are not immune to taboos. There is still a widespread assumption that men are incompetent of becoming a child's main caregiver. Many people still contemplate men to be emotionally restrained, keep their distance, and wholeheartedly support their families.

It may be prodigious - a lovely trip in which you earn double the love and pride regardless of having to do double the effort and encounter twice the agony. Moreover, how well you embrace the problems life throws at you ascertains whether you can nurture your child on your own.

To all those children with a single parent, serve your parents right. It requires a village to raise a child whereas your single parent has done it wholeheartedly!


Nahida Islam Purni, a banker