The grocery stores in the USA are bombarded with fancy and alluring gifts for Valentine’s Day. Gifts are being sold in combination with several cute and lovely items. Even an artificial rose made of condoms is sold for 3 dollars. What an artistic way of promoting safe sex on Valentine’s Day! I am sure it is almost a similar situation in Bangladesh.

Those in a relationship feel obligated to celebrate the day of love with their lovers by buying and offering them expensive gift items. Gifts, somehow, become a symbol of love in modern society. Not just material gifts, taking lovers out for a fancy valentine date at romantic places or restaurants is also a popular trend. Many people literally become broke or go into debt to meet Valentine’s expectations. Does love entail having a partner with an empty pocket and a heart burdened by the pressure of conforming to the latest consumeristic trends?

There is no problem in showing love to our loved ones with material things. A simple gift can mean a lot to someone special. Do you remember the days when people used to exchange a simple rose, destined to be pressed between the rusty pages of books? The fragrance of a fantabulous and delicious homemade “payesh” would mesmerise a lover’s mind just like a hundred dancing butterflies in an arcade.

A lover would go daydreaming and cherishing the moment of anticipated union while reading the handwritten love letter from the beloved. How beautifully poetic language carried tactile imagery among all else! A warm rickshaw ride on a misty February day would blow the lovers’ cupid-stricken minds. Love was not to be hidden from the world, but to be cherished in utmost privacy. The oneness of two spirits was precious. Valentine’s Day was celebrated in simple ways!

But, if we go back to history and historicise the day, the Roman priest St. Valentine comes to our mind. He was beaten and beheaded on 14 February 270 A.D. for disobeying Emperor Claudius II. Regardless of the Emperor’s ban on the sacrament of marriage and engagement in Rome, St.

Valentine’s Day and the Consumer TrapValentine performed marriages for many young couples. His gruesome execution has nothing to do with roses and expensive gifts. Later, Gelasian sacramentary recorded 14 February as a day to celebrate the feast of St. Valentine. In the 14th century, it became a day for expressing and exchanging romantic love. There were exchanges of love notes and flowers. It was as simple as that!

But, in modern society where any national, international and local days become occasions to make profits, Valentine’s Day has essentially become a capitalist construct. Spending money on one’s partner is now more important than spending time with them. We never realised when and how we were hegemonised by the capitalistic idea of expressing love. It is not just financially burdensome but also environmentally damaging and ideologically alienating.

Giving gifts is great as it is a form of expressing love and care beyond just verbal expressions. However, it becomes toxic when they come wrapped up in social pressure and expectations. There is an invisible, yet very unhealthy competition among many individuals who aspire to show off what they have received as tokens of love from their significant others. The more expensive the gifts are, the more attention they get in the community.

This affectatious mindset is like a contagious and infectious disease. It begets jealousy and insecurity. Love is a positive feeling that makes people happy and compassionate. Consumerism does the opposite.

Now, the expression of love is different for different couples and at different phases of life. For married couples with children, Valentine’s Day has a different appeal. Sometimes, it requires an extra effort for the parent couples to keep the romantic spark alive. It is not enough to ‘feel’ love as an abstract noun. Love is essentially an action verb. We must work on it to sustain it. We must act love to love and be loved.

It is important to let our children know that we are all in love, which is the basis of our family bond. We share joy and sorrow. We have both good and bad times, but we stick around. We grow together and march towards a common goal which is having a peaceful, happy and healthy family life. We love and express it through our actions. When children see us setting a good example of love and its expression, they tend to focus on the goodness of love leaving the rest that includes the consumer trap of Valentine’s Day.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all!  
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The writer is a PhD Student in Rhetoric, Writing and Culture and Graduate Teaching Assistant, Department of English, North Dakota State University