Before We Blame Our Children

For many children, the fear of disappointing their parents is greater than the fear of failing an examination. In a society where academic results often determine how children are judged, a poor result can feel like much more than an academic setback. It can make a child question their abilities, their future and even their worth.

The recent Higher Secondary Certificate (HSC) and equivalent examination results published on October 31st bring this concern into focus. Approximately 1.3 million students sat for the examinations, and 47.9 percent, or nearly half, did not pass. This compares with 41.2 percent who did not pass a year ago.

Whenever examination results are published, criticism is directed at students. We hear that the youth are a wasted generation, that they spend too much time on their phones and social media, dreaming of becoming an influencer. This explanation may be convenient, but it places the entire responsibility for academic outcomes on young people.

It is unfair to blame children alone. Examination results reflect the entire education system around them, including frequent curriculum changes in recent years, heavy dependence on coaching, and the pressures under which teachers work. They also reflect our families and wider society. In this system, children have the least power, yet they carry much of the burden. When results are poor, they are usually the first to be blamed.
Children grow up believing that their worth depends solely on their academic achievements. This judgment even extends to their family. A good result brings pride and praise; a poor one brings questions, blame and shame. Inevitably, some children see themselves as failures if they do not meet expectations.

Many children are told from the age of five or six that they will become doctors or that they must achieve GPA 5. If they earn just two marks less than expected, parents get upset and their WhatsApp groups turn into spaces to share children's marks, and compare them. Over time, children begin to study out of fear rather than curiosity, and the joy of learning gets lost. 

The division into science, humanities and business studies in Class 9 adds another layer of pressure. In many families, science is considered the only respectable choice. A friend who was streamed into commerce was told at home that her life was ruined. She spent many nights crying and still thinks that she failed. For many students, this is one of the first major decisions in their life, yet it is often made by others. They then spend four years studying subjects they did not choose. It is difficult to expect good results when learning itself becomes a burden.A 2023 study published in PLOS ONE, involving more than 3,500 school-going adolescents in Bangladesh, found an association between parental comparison of children's academic performance and symptoms of depression and anxiety. Data from Kaan Pete Roi, an emotional support and suicide prevention helpline, indicate that around seven percent of student callers report academic pressure, often linked to parental expectations.

The most serious concern is the impact on students' mental health and safety. Every year, reports of student suicides after the release of examination results remind us of the consequences of overwhelming academic pressure. Aachol Foundation reported 403 students as having committed suicide in 2025, around two-thirds of whom were between 13 and 19 years of age. In 72 of these deaths, academic pressure was identified as a contributing factor. Following this year's SSC results in August, Aachol reported at least 10 student deaths within a week, which the grieving families linked to distress over examination results. 
Suicide is complex and rarely has a single cause, but the days following the release of results can be particularly dangerous for students who are already stressed and anxious. During this time, parents need to pay close attention. If a child did not pass, he or she already knows it. What they need is love and acceptance that is not conditional on their results, and reassurance that parents will be with them to move forward, together. Aachol Foundation recommends that families stay particularly close to their children for at least two weeks after results are released. 

Avoid scolding, comparing children with others or discussing their results in parents' groups. Instead, talk calmly about available options, such as re-scrutiny, sitting for the examination again or exploring alternative pathways. In the longer term, listening to children and involving them in decisions about their futures can make a significant difference.

We must also recognize the warning signs of serious emotional distress. If a young person withdraws from others, stops eating, expresses feelings of being a burden or talks about not wanting to live, it must be taken seriously. Stay connected with them, listen without judgment and seek professional help if needed.

To those who may be struggling after receiving their results, please remember that one examination cannot determine your future. It is understandable to feel upset when things do not go as hoped, but you do not have to face your feelings alone. Talk to someone you trust and reach out for support when you need it. You can also contact Kaan Pete Roi at 09612-119911, available every day from 3 pm to 3 am.

An examination result tells us something about a student's performance, but it does not tell us everything about their abilities, potential or their future. Nor does it tell us whether we have given them the support and tools they need to learn and thrive.

So, before we ask why so many children failed, perhaps we should ask what we have failed to provide them. When children struggle under the weight of expectations created by families, educational institutions and society, we must recognize that this is not simply an individual failure; it is a systemic failure. 

Addressing the problem requires us to look beyond examination results, acknowledge our collective responsibility and work together to create an environment where children can learn, grow and thrive without having their worth defined by academic grades.
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About the Authors: 
Rubina Jahan is a Clinical Psychologist, CEO and Co-Founder of The Compassion Collaborative.
Manha Myreen Hoque is a student in Class 9 who shared her own experiences and those of her peers.