Islamic guidance on maintaining good relationships

Maintaining good relations, upholding one another’s rights and coming forward to help others are regarded as important parts of faith. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “The believers, in their mutual love, mercy and compassion, are like one body; when one part of the body suffers, the whole body responds with fever and sleeplessness.” (Muslim, Hadith 6480)

However, the picture is different in the present age. As time passes, people are increasingly changing, and maintaining relationships is becoming more difficult. In many cases, when a relationship between two people becomes strained, each person considers themselves to be in the right.

Listening to each side individually may give the impression that both are making every possible effort and sacrifice to preserve the relationship. Yet, in reality, the relationship continues to deteriorate. Mutual respect, tolerance and fear of Allah gradually disappear. Islam offers several balanced solutions to this problem. Some of them are discussed below.

Upholding Justice

People generally regard their own perspective as the truth. They tend to magnify their own suffering while failing to appreciate the pain of others. Pride, a tendency to deny one's own mistakes, a quick temper and a habit of belittling others' contributions often lie behind this attitude.

These human weaknesses prevent people from recognising what is right. At times, even when they understand justice and truth, these weaknesses stop them from speaking in favour of what is right. Yet the Quran commands believers to remain steadfast in justice, even when it goes against themselves or their relatives.

Allah says in the Holy Quran: “O you who believe, stand firmly for justice, as witnesses for Allah, even if it is against yourselves or your parents and relatives.” (Surah An-Nisa, verse 135)

Behaving Well

People generally find it difficult to forget injustice, humiliation or neglect they have experienced. As a result, suppressed resentment can sometimes erupt, negatively affecting relationships. The Quranic solution to this problem is to respond to bad behaviour with good conduct.

Allah says in the Holy Quran: “Good and evil are not equal. Repel evil with what is better, and behold, the one between whom and you there was enmity will become as though he were a devoted friend.” (Surah Fussilat, verse 34)

This verse teaches us that the key to rebuilding relationships is not retaliation through bad behaviour whenever an opportunity arises, but responding with kindness and good conduct.

Avoiding Suspicion and Backbiting

Most relationships develop cracks because of suspicion and backbiting. Satan can plant various unfounded thoughts in a person's mind against someone they regard as an adversary. A person may begin to suspect that their opponent is behind their ongoing difficulties and problems. As a result, even if they do not take revenge directly, they may resort to backbiting to ease their emotional pain.

Yet unfounded thoughts and unnecessary suspicion are prohibited.

Allah says in the Holy Quran: “O you who believe, avoid much suspicion. Indeed, some suspicion is sin.” (Surah Al-Hujurat, verse 12)

Controlling Anger

Many relationships break down because of excessive anger. Yet there is no virtue in uncontrolled anger; true strength lies in self-restraint. (Bukhari, Hadith 6114)

Keeping Communication Open

Most relationships come to an end because of misunderstandings and the decision to stop communicating with one another. In reality, however, a closer look often shows that if the people involved had discussed matters openly and tried to understand each other, their hostility could have turned into friendship.

Neither side may have genuinely wished harm upon the other; rather, distance kept them apart.

Islam does not support maintaining such estrangement. If people reduce their complaints and increase empathy, and take responsibility instead of blaming others, it becomes much easier for broken relationships to be restored and transformed into friendships.